Patience, Waiting, and Irritabilitly.
I’m finding more and more that I have less patience than I used to. I can’t figure out if this is because it’s getting to be the end of the year, if I have no energy left spend on stupidity and people that choose to waste my time and theirs, or if it because I’m simply turning into an impatient person.
When one really thinks about it, we wait all the time. We wait for Monday to pass and the weekend to come. We wait for a movie to come out or an artist’s new album. We wait for people to come around or make up their minds. We wait for something to happen. We wait for an appropriate time to fall asleep. We wait for the very last minute to arrive so we can leave or finally begin the work on something that is long past due. Crazy enough, when we finally ask for something to happen in our lives, the wrong thing happens and sends us into a spiral of overwhelming emotions. Is it worse to have that reaction than to have no emotion and embrace a total apathetic attitude towards every situation because you have simply been “waiting too long”?
For most things, we are more than happy to wait for because sometimes waiting is excitement and intrigue.
Sometimes waiting is just a pure hell.
For those situations do we endure the waiting with patience? Or does that really make it worse? Is patience truly a “virtue” or is it just a lie that we’ve been told in order to shut us up? Frankly, I’m bored with patience. But what can you do when there is nothing to but wait? If we could speed ahead and find out what actually happens in the end then we’d only be defying time and consequently making it worse for ourselves. Then again, maybe not. Maybe its best to know when something is going to happen as opposed to what is going to happen.
Especially with all this talk of the 2012 phenomenon (which I think is ridiculous, personally) people are even more inclined to attempt to look ahead and plan and prepare. Isn’t the saying, “something will happen when you least expect it”? Then I have a question, what do you do when you are always least expecting, always attempting to be patient, and trying to conjure your own happenings? This seems to be my present problem. Now I think that just makes me sound boring and complacent with being so. Which I’m not. I mean, I don’t think that I’m boring or happy with it.
So I guess now the question is, why not do something about it? The problem is that the things that I have to do are things that I do not have the desire to do at this moment, and as I stated before, I will wait until the last moment to do those things and even then I will still not be happy to do them. The things that I actually want to do, I cannot. Technically, anyway. I’m tired of the people who won’t leave me alone and I don’t get enough of the people whom I rarely get to see or talk to. I feel the same way about the things that I have to do all the time and the things that I rarely have time to do. Yet, I sit here complaining of having waiting time.
Perhaps I am just a wired person who is absolutely ready for the year to be finished. The one who is ready for another weekend before Saturday is even over. Then again, maybe it’s just been a really slow day, and I feel as though nothing productive has come out of it.
I’m not sure.
Goodnight.
